


Don’t Break Character

by ArbuscularMycorrhizal



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Canon Typical Violence, Dissociation, Episode Tag, Fjord is out of his depth, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, but can't handle one right now, but he is trying his best, c2e43, on many fronts, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-27 22:39:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17775539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArbuscularMycorrhizal/pseuds/ArbuscularMycorrhizal
Summary: A great captain can lead their crew through any storm. Fjord wouldn’t call himself great but he is at least the captain.Escaping Darktow takes some navigating but they make it nonetheless.Tag to episode 43





	1. When they knock you down

Fjord could feel the wall of heat and noise and magic rush over them as Caleb swayed and his hands went limp and the  _ Squalleater _ burned. There was the sound of crew screaming in the flames and the burning of timber. And in the light of the fire, Caleb’s eyes were frightening blank. The blood on his face shining. Fjord barely had enough time to get the beginning of words out before guards that were previously calm were no longer. They slammed into Caleb dragging him to his knees and then forcing him to the ground. 

“He’s injured. Please-” Fjord’s words went unheeded, his true accent bleeding through with barely contained panic. Guards were on Fjord then. He lets them take the falchion. Lets them bind his wrists. But as he tries to surge forward, tries to get to Caleb, they do not let him. 

Caleb does not resist, but that does not make the guards go gentle. His arms are wrenched back behind him. One of them has the wizard’s hair in a fist and keeps the scraped raw and bleeding face ground into the dirt. Another guard appears with more rope and Caleb is bound from elbow to fingertips painfully tight. It takes less than a few moments for Caleb to be completely immobilized. They take no chances with a caster. His hands black with soot and the bloodstain on the back of his coat growing larger.  The crossbow bolt had snapped when Caleb had tumbled to the ground. Fjord hadn’t had time to look at the wound. One healing potion had not been near enough. 

One of the guards presses a knee to Caleb’s back, pinning him to the ground as they wait for more orders. They ignore the pained groan it pulls from the wizard but as Caleb tries to shift away from the pressure they bare down harder. 

“Keep still or we won’t bother with the trial.” 

Fjord doesn’t know if this is true or not but fear grips his heart nonetheless. There’s no indication on Caleb’s face that he heard what the guard said. He’s mumbling something, something in Zemnian that neither Fjord or the guards can make out. 

But Caleb is a wizard and wizards words are known to be dangerous. 

The mumbling is cut off as the the guard pinning Caleb drags his head back to a painfully sharp angle by the fistfull of hair. Fjord sees him mouthing words with wide vacant eyes unfocused in the gray of the sky. A gag is shoved in his mouth and his head is slammed back into the ground. Fjord isn’t sure if he’s seen him blink. 

“I said. Keep. Still.” The speaking guard delivers a swift kick to Caleb’s side and Fjord can see him trying to curl in on himself around the pain, trying to bring his legs up. Fjord can also see the guard move forward for another kick. 

“Please, he’s not well. He can’t hear you.” The guard spares Fjord a brief glance before kicking Caleb again. Caleb stills but that does not make Fjord feel any better. The guards are talking about something. It’s important. The words ‘Plank King’ leave no impression on Fjord as he desperately tries to meet Caleb’s now half lidded gaze. To get any reaction, to offer any shred of familiarity. Minutes drag passed and there is nothing.

Fjord is pulled to his feet and watches as the guards attempt to do the same to Caleb. It takes far too long for the man to get his feet under him. He’s like a puppet with his strings cut and tangled. As they begin to march towards the docks it’s clear his stumbling steps are doing little to support his own weight. The guards practically drag him. Fjord puts up no resistance and lets himself be roughly handled back to the gathering crowd of onlookers and guards. 

He sees Caduceus calmly sitting in manacles next to a less calm but at least present Yasha. Nott’s wrists are also manacled, a guard either side keeping her in place. He can’t see Jester. He prays she and Beau made it in time. 

Caduceus looks from Caleb to Fjord and gives a slow grim nod. None of this is good. Yasha’s teeth are against the sensation of her manacles. Nott’s eyes are locked on to her boy and she looks about ready to rip off the hands holding her. 

The guards unceremoniously dump him and Caleb with the rest of the Nein. Fjord manages to stumble in to a crouch but Caleb all but collapses the moment hands are off him. It’s Caduceus, with his hands bound in front, who catches him and gently maneuvers the man into a sitting position. Fjord shuffles over on his knees and they sandwich Caleb between green and gray and wait. 

The firbog rests a hand on Caleb’s back just briefly. It comes a way stained red. 

Caduceus politely asks to cast a healing spell.

“No spellcasting. We don’t want any funny stuff.” 

Eyes flicker to Caleb and the gag in his mouth. Caduceus does not argue. The noise of the crowd washes over them. Fjord thinks he hears a voice that could be Jester’s talking  with a guard but it isn’t quite hers and there aren’t any familiar faces in the crowd. Not that that would mean much. She could be in disguise and he’s heard her do voices before. He hopes that’s the case. It meant if the next part went badly they at least have someone on the outside. And if went really badly then at least one of them got away. Fjord tries not to think of that. 

Beside him, Caduceus murmurs a calm flow of useless information to Caleb. Plant facts and weather observations. The words almost drowned out by the chatter of the crowd. Fjord watches the guards for any signs of rising tension. All of them wait. 

It took almost twenty minutes for Caleb to take a deep shuddering breath through the gag and for his face to scrunch up in pain. Fjord sees him pull at his bindings for only a moment before hunching over in agony as long bound limbs and bolt wounds make themselves known. Between the guards holding her Nott practically vibrates with rage or with anxiety. Fjord can’t tell. The crossbow bolt is still in Caleb’s back and the ropes that bind him are in no way gentle. Caleb’s shoulders begin to shake. Fjord sees the panic build as the man comes back to himself and finds himself trapped. 

“Caleb? Caleb it’s alright.” Fjord cut through Caduceus’ words with a low urgent voice of his own. “We’re on the docks at Darktow. We just fought with Avantika’s crew. It’s over now. Everyone is fine. Beau and Jester went to get the Plank King. Remember the plan? They’re bringing the Plank King here and we’re going to sort out this mess. We just have to wait.”

Caleb doesn’t respond, he can’t, but he stops struggling. Between Fjord and Caduceus they manage to keep up a steady stream of conversation to focus on. They can’t let him slip back into his head. They need him here for the trial to come. 

Caleb’s breath steadies but the shaking does not stop. Fjord sees him twist at his fingers. Maybe he’s trying to summon Frumpkin. His fingers are bound too tight. 

“Excuse me,” Fjord calls out to the nearest guard, one that wasn’t one of the few that first seized him and Caleb. “If this is going to be a trial then I ask that all of here have an equal chance of defending themselves.” Here he gestures to Caleb with his chin. “We will cast no magic, no funny business, but please will you let him speak?”

The guard looks them over with a frown and then looks to another guard in finer armor. She nods once and then speaks at Caleb.

“Fine, but I hear one arcane word,” she holds up a finger for emphasis. “You or one of your friends is getting an arrow through the throat.”

“Thank you, I’m sure the need won’t arise.” Fjord does his best to look gracious. 

The gag is removed and Caleb coughs wetly before flinching with pain. He spits red on the wood of the dock.

“-danke” His voice is low and rough and Fjord is grateful to hear it. 

“Not a problem. Just hang on, we’re almost through.” Fjord doesn’t know that but he refuses to say anything else. They wait and wait. The minutes drag by painfully slow but it feels all too soon as the crowd falls to a hush and the Plank King finally arrives. 

Fjord can see Beau dwarfed by the goliath, face a grim mask of calm, sweat on her brow. He nods at her with a confidence he does not feel and gets the same in return. All of them are brought forward and Avantika is brought down her own gang plank. Everyone but Beau is bound. Caleb is leaning heavily on Caduceus. He still can’t see Jester. They are almost through.

The trial is a blur. 

Fjord does his best to hide how bad his hands are shaking. He’s glad they bound them behind his back. Avantika calls on the name of Vandern and knocks him off balance. He can hear the name whispering through the crowd and has to fight to ignore it. 

It feels like he's fumbling for words but miraculously it seems to work. There is little love between the Plank King and Avantika and the evidence is damning. Caleb speaks up in a factual monotone that furthers drives Avantika’s coffin nails deeper. Eyes fixed on the dock and truth laid bare. Beau takes his words and ensures Avantika can’t slip through though them. And Fjord is so grateful for the monk’s cool and unbending will and whatever the fuck she learned at the Cobalt Soul. Avantika finds no words to fight with. There is no doubt in the Plank King's face. Avantika's neck is broken and she is dead on the dock. 

Fjord does a poor job of hiding a flinch and a worse job of listening to what the Plank King speaks after. The words flitting in and out like a poorly received message. The  _ Squalleater _ is theirs and they are banished from Darktow never to return. Someone cuts the ropes on his wrist and its harder to hide the shaking. He manages.

Nott and Caduceus have Caleb. Jester appears from somewhere, dripping wet but smiling with relief. Orly is leads the rest of the crew onto the still smouldering ship.

Beau lands a punch on his shoulder. Yasha is right behind her. 

"Come on Captain. Let's get the fuck out of here."


	2. Nobody knows what lies ahead

The ship somehow felt even more alien and unfamiliar than when they disembarked less than 24 hours ago. It was theirs now, for whatever that meant. It smelled of blood and smoke and sulphur. There wasn't time to dwell on that now. There had never been a welcome to overstay and they needed to be gone as soon as possible. The corpses of the original Squalleater were removed to be claimed by the remaining crew. Faces he could hardly recognize for the burns were carried off one after another down to the docks. Fjord directed the crew to cut away anything too damaged. Charred rigging and irreparable sails fell away and the ship limped off. Away from the dock and the crowd that still was watching. Away from Darktow.   
  
Fjord stayed with Orly at the helm as they navigated through the dragshallow reef, out towards the freedom of open water. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Jester and Caduceus looking after the injured. Beau had escaped unharmed but Nott, Yasha, and Caduceus himself all seemed to battered and shivering. Jester was helping a seated Caleb take off his bloodied coat to get a better look at his back. He was hunched over hugging himself. Red was painted down his back. Fjord dragged his eyes back to the task at hand. Orly was very skilled but the bones of better ships were littered all over these waters. 

  
"Hey, we're going to give the ship a sweep. See if Avantika left us any gifts." 

Beau called from across the deck less than an hour later. He looked over at the rest of the Nein. Caduceus was packing away his kit. Jester was giving Caleb one more pat down. No one looked completely healed, the day had been too long and deeply stressful for that. But everyone looked at least somewhat mended. He gave her a thumbs up and she gave him sloppy salute before she disappeared with Nott and Caleb. Jester followed Caduceus to the galley. Yasha was at the bow with her eyes on the darkening sky.    
  
It took hours to clear the reef. Caduceus brought them bowls of stew halfway through and Fjord and Orly took turns to eat. The ship was understandably handling poorly. Moving at less than a quarter of her usual speed. Repairs were being made but most would have to wait until they found safe harbor.  By the time Fjord was comfortable leaving it to Orly and the next shift, night had almost completely fallen. Exhaustion was dragging at his bones. He wanted nothing more than to fall into bed and sleep for a week. It didn’t have to be a bed. As long as he wasn’t standing anymore. As long as there wasn’t a hundred questions being asked of him and a million duties to perform. All of those could wait until morning. 

He was almost to the stairs that would lead down towards a bed, any bed, when he chanced a look over the portside rails.  He knew the figure silhouetted in the failing light by the slump of the shoulders and the long dirty brown coat. He stopped. Letting the motion of the ship sway him. Then he approached, letting his footsteps fall loudly against the deck. Caleb stiffened but did not look around.

"You planning to stay out here all night Caleb?"  That didn't get a response. Blue eyes were looking past the horizon. White knuckled hands gripped the charred edge of the ship. "I'm sure Nott is looking  for her cabin mate."

The man shook his head then. Fjord wasn't sure if it was to clear it or in disagreement.

"She is with Jester." His voice was hoarse, barely audible over the sound of the wind and the creaking of the ship. "She is not finding the return to sea life agreeable."

Fjord grimaced. The little goblin was either seasick or drunk or both. 

"Yeah, I think we all thought we'd have a little more time on some dry land. Although I'm not sure I'm sorry to see the last of Darktow." He still had so many questions that could have been answered. About U'katoa. About Vandern. But his shoulders felt lighter away from Avantika, it was easier to breath. For the first time in many days it felt good to be on the open sea.

The wind picked up, blowing a cold spray across their faces. Beside him, Fjord could see Caleb shivering. Fjord resisted the urge to lay a hand on the man's shoulder, instead taking a coat sleeve.

"Come on, if I leave you out here Nott will skin me alive come morning." Dread seemed to build in Caleb. At the thought of below decks. At the thought of sleep. Fjord wasn't sure. "Out of all of us you need sleep the most."

If his math was correct Caleb hadn't slept in almost 40 hours. It showed in the lines of the face and the deep bruises under the eyes. The man swayed just out of sync with the ship. His grip on the railing the only reason he was still standing.

"Come on," Fjord said again softer. He pulled gently at the sleeve. Intending to lead Caleb towards the stairs. Caleb was stuck fast, refusing to move. He took a deep shuddering breath and rubbed one soot stained hand shakely through his hair and still did not move.

"I-I cannot- I will not be able-" He seemed unable to get the words out past his brain. His eyes were red. From a lack of sleep. From smoke. Or from crying. Fjord didn't know. What he did know was that Caleb needed to rest and left alone the man would not or would not be able to. The rest of the Nein were already abed. This fell to Fjord. He pulled at the coat sleeve a little harder.

"How about this," Fjord managed to turn Caleb away from the water. They took one step and then another. "You can bunk up with me and we’ll get through the night together. I'll even read you a bedtime story." Fjord looked for a smile and didn't find one. "If that doesn't work we can wake up Caduceus and get a cup of tea." One more step and then another.

He led him to the captain's quarters. It felt strange to be in Avantika's room but it had the only decent bed on the ship. Someone, Jester judging by the handwriting and winky face, had pinned a note to the door: ‘Watch out for Holes ;)’. Fjord had heard about her and Nott’s “successful” heist. But he wasn’t expecting the perfectly round, perfectly obvious hole in the middle of the cabin. A chair had been placed over and another warning sign pinned to the chair. 

“We’ll deal with that in the morning I guess.” Fjord let go of Caleb’s sleeve and left him the doorway, moving into the cabin in search of a lantern. He found the box of matches and was about strike one when a rough whisper stopped him.

“No. please.” He looked back at Caleb. The man was holding on to the doorway. ”Let me-”

The wizard rummaged in one of his pockets and muttered a few soft words Fjord couldn’t quite hear. Four globules of light bloomed into the room and drifted into the corners. The light was dim but steady. Not at all like the flickering of a candle or a lantern. Caleb still stood in the doorway. Looking at the wall just past Fjord’s shoulder.  

“Come on in.” The man started at the invitation. He seemed to be drifting. “Make yourself comfortable. You alright sharing the bed?” It was big enough for the two of them but Fjord wasn’t sure how much space Caleb needed. He could always grab a bed roll and kip on the floor. But Caleb nodded and moved haltingly to sit on the edge of the bed. He was swaying still, shaking still. Eyes kept open by willpower alone. Desperate to keep whatever nightmares that waited for him at bay.

Fjord wanted to let Jester or Beau know where they were, just in case, but he was hesitant to leave Caleb alone. He would be fast. It would be fine.

“I’m going to grab my pack. Do you want me to grab anything of yours?”

A small shake of the head and a croaky “nein”. 

“Alright, I’ll be right back.” Caleb nodded a small distant nod but Fjord wasn’t sure if he had heard. He walked as quickly as possible to their old quarters.

Fjord knocked on the girls door and poked his head through the door. Jester and Nott were tangled together in a lump on one bed. Soft snuffly goblin snores emanated from under the blankets. There was a sleepy murmur from Jester. Beau looked up from where she was looking over some papers by the light of a candle. 

“Sup?” She frowned at him in the gloom.

“Me and Caleb are going to bunk in the captain’s cabin in case someone was looking for us.” 

“Everything alright?”

Fjord made a so-so motion with one hand.

“It’s been a long day. I don’t think he’ll actually sleep unless we make him.” 

Beau’s mouth was a grim but she nodded and shrugged.

“Sounds about right. You got this?” Fjord wasn’t sure but he nodded anyway. “Alright, let me know if you need to tap out.”

“Will do. Night Beau.”

“Night.”

Fjord ducked out of the room and continued on to his old room to grab his pack. He bid a sleepy Caduceus a goodnight and stole back to the captain’s room, his room, as quickly and as quietly as possible. 

Caleb hadn’t moved. He still sat on the edge of the bed, eyes not focusing on the wall, swaying slightly, shaking slightly. He was clutching on to his coat like he was trying to hold himself together. His hands were still blackened. There was still blood staining his shirt. 

Fjord dug through his pack for a spare sleep shirt and tossed it Caleb before digging one out for himself. 

“Here, you can borrow that for tonight. Go on, no boots on the bed either.” 

The wizard just looked at the shirt for a long while like he was trying to find meaning in it. And then mechanically, began to move. Stiffly peeling off his coat and holsters. Wrapping his books in dirty brown fabric and clumsily pulling at his boot buckles. He toed one boot off and then the other. They fell with two dull thumps to the floor. As he lifted his tattered shirt over his head Fjord caught sight of obvious yellowing swatches of where healing magic hadn’t quite reached the deep bruises. Painfully thin with every rib visible. He fervently hoped that someone, probably Caduceus, had made sure Caleb had managed dinner. He didn’t know. But that could be a problem to be dealt with tomorrow and the days after. Fjord busied himself with his own armor and clothes. Pulling his eyes away to focus on his own buckles and ties. 

“Do you want the wall or the edge? I don’t have a preference either way.” Fjord asked stacking his armor neatly for tomorrow. It took Caleb a few moments to gather together a shrug. They were well past decision making. Fjord didn’t sigh. “Why don’t you take the wall. Just in case I’m needed on deck.” 

Caleb has no response to give but as Fjord grabbed a book at random from Avantika’s shelves, their shelves, and made his way to the bed the wizard had shuffled back until he is pressed against the wall. He watched Fjord from behind bruised and lidded eyes. Fjord dragged a blanket over both of them and then folded a pillow over to tuck behind his head. He squinted at the cover of the book he had grabbed.  _ Bathymetric Almanac of the Swavain Isles _ . It was the dryest sounding shit Fjord had ever heard of. 

“Well, I promised you a bedtime story.” 

No response but a slow blink. Fjord cracked open the book and began to read in a low voice. It was a slow and tedious book. The sentences trailing on and on, paragraphs going nowhere and taking their time to get there. By the time he was through the introduction if felt like he had been reading for hours and remembered nothing from the entire time. He glanced to the side to see Caleb still awake. Eyes staring at the dim ceiling. He wasn’t holding himself as tightly as before, no longer so brittle. Fjord read on. The globules of light drifted closer and closer. Bobbing slowly along the ceiling. Sending shadows sliding around the room. The creaking of the ship faded away until all there was in the cabin was Fjord’s quiet voice and the slow turning of pages. One by one the lights blinked out until the room was filled darkness. Fjord listened in the dark to the soft breaths beside him. Setting the book down along side the bed Fjord settled back against the pillow and let the familiar rocking of the ship lull him to sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> I know Frumpkin was summoned at the docks but he was an octopus at that point so I skipped over that to keep with the tone. 
> 
> Title is from the song [Be Still](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sc4I9MweBy4) by the Killers


End file.
